I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
