I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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