standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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