genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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