i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
