I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
