Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.