so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.