I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?