I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
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In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why did my mother make you get naked?