he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.