we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
