i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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