I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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