last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
