I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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