your thong is hanging out like whoa
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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