I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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