Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
