The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
