Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
