you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
