Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???