I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.