i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest