tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?