Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
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All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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