just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
