Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
