He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and she was petting her beer can
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
