Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
