I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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