I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
