She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
