o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
