Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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