You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
i think i just lost a toe
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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