Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
