I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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