I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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