Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
