You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
