im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
