Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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