I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
