She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize