your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
