I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We are two peas in an std pod
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
