Please, let me fuck your mom
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
