Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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