drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
