What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
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