I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
