Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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