When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
