Farmville is her only friend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
