he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
