did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I deserve this hangover.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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