i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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