Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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