Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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