A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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