You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
