hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
