Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
