he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
