Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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