Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
