Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
