And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm just crazy horny about you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize