Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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