was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
