WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
