ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
