I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
