Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
