Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
