your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
