At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
